


From the darkness you must fall

by Zenece



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 11:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1647566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenece/pseuds/Zenece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Janeway finds herself in a dire situation, B'Elanna comes to her rescue...</p>
            </blockquote>





	From the darkness you must fall

B’Elanna stood in front of the house she’d just seen the Captain disappear into with ambassador Neyak and wondered if she was being silly. Janeway probably knew what she was doing, she told herself. 

The house was like the others around. Not identical, but similar. Even though there was no mistaking that they were indeed on an alien planet, it was eerie how the neighborhood looked familiar, as it exuded the same atmosphere of peace and quiet as the residential areas near Starfleet Command in San Francisco did. 

B’Elanna took a last look at the front door of the house, already mapping out in her mind how to get back to the city center. Yet just as she was about to turn around, she heard a sharp cry coming from the house and immediately she was on full alert. 

In a less than a second the half-Klingon reached the house. She swiftly kicked in the door when she heard the Captain’s voice again, laced with panic.   
“No! Get off me!!” 

B’Elanna dashed inside, charging into the room where she’d presumed the cry had come from and only needed a second to take in the scene before her.

The ambassador was pushing his body against Kathryn Janeway, effectively pinning her against the wall. His pants were around his ankles and there was no question as to what his intentions were. He was so set on his goal he didn’t even notice B’Elanna’s explosive entrance.

Janeway was desperately trying to push him off her, but he was deceptively strong. The look in the Captain’s eyes reminded B’Elanna of an animal in distress.

It only took the half-Klingon two strides to reach the ambassador. Before he even knew what hit him, he was being hurtled to the other side of the room, smacking against the opposite wall before sliding down to the floor. 

Janeway stood wide-eyed against the wall. Pulling down her skirt, she took a small step forward.   
“Is he…?” She breathed, her voice raspy. 

Turning her attention away from her Captain, B’Elanna looked over her shoulder to the man on the floor. She could see his chest move and then he groaned.   
“He’ll live.” She spoke quickly, focusing again on the woman in front of her. “Are you alright?” 

Clenching her arms tightly in front of her chest while clutching the torn remains of the blouse, Janeway nodded curtly. “He didn’t…” She couldn’t finish the sentence. 

B’Elanna gave the Captain a quick once-over, judging that from the state of the woman’s clothes and the limited amount of time they’d been inside the house together, indeed, he probably didn’t get that far. She’d entered just in time.

Torres gently took Janeway’s arm. “Let’s get you to Sickbay anyway.” 

“No.” The Captain spoke forcefully, pulling away from B’Elanna’s grasp. “I’m fine.” 

B’Elanna was about to argue, but Janeway sent her a pleading look.   
“Please. I don’t want anyone to know about this.” 

The half-Klingon eyed her superior officer for a moment before she nodded.   
“Alright.” She conceded.

At the far side of the room the ambassador groaned again. He still had his eyes closed and remained slumped against the wall. But it seemed like only a matter of time before he’d come to.

“We have to get out of here.” B’Elanna spoke hurriedly. “Can you walk?” 

Janeway took an uncertain step towards the door and nodded tersely. “Let’s go.” 

Offering the other woman an arm for support, B’Elanna guided them to the front door. It wouldn’t close properly since B’Elanna had done a number on it in her attempt to get access to the house, but she didn’t really care. 

Luckily the street was deserted and they moved in the direction of the city center as fast as Janeway could manage.   
The Captain was quiet, focusing on moving along, while at the same time clutching the fabric of her ripped blouse in front of her chest. 

B’Elanna paused for a moment to take off her own jacket.   
“Here.” She held it out to Janeway. 

Gratefully, the other woman put it on, covering up her own damaged garments, before continuing their escape.

By the time they reached the transport site at the edge of the city center, Janeway was gritting her teeth from exertion, but she was determined to keep going. 

B’Elanna slapped her combadge. “Torres to Voyager, two to beam up.” 

They rematerialized on the transporter pad in Transporter Room Two and B’Elanna nodded in greeting to Ensign Mulcahey who was on duty as she tried to unnoticeably help Janeway step off the pad. 

“Lieutenant. Captain.” The young man greeted politely, oblivious to Janeway’s rather ruffled appearance or slightly odd behavior. 

The Captain nodded briefly in his direction as they both exited the room. 

Luckily the nearby turbolift arrived quickly and they made it to the Captain’s quarters without running into anyone. 

B’Elanna followed her Captain inside, determined to stay with her until she’d seen with her own eyes that Janeway was indeed alright. 

With a muffled groan, the Captain sank down on the couch and started to take off the jacket B’Elanna had given her. As she peeled it off her left arm, she winced in pain. 

“Let me see that.” B’Elanna spoke.

Janeway grimaced. “That’s not necessary Lieutenant.”

B’Elanna sighed. “Look, if you don’t want me to call the Doctor, you’ll at least have to let me take a look at your injuries.”   
She crouched in front of the Captain and gently placed a hand on her knee. “Please, I need to know how bad it is.” She added more softly. 

Janeway bit her lip and then wordlessly started to remove the fabric of the damaged blouse. B’Elanna got up and helped her, surveying the bruises that were already forming on the Captain’s arms and torso.   
The ambassador had grabbed her quite forcefully. 

A particularly dark and purple bruise ran along the Captain’s side and disappeared under the waistband of her skirt. B’Elanna delicately trailed it with her fingers. “Let me see that one.” 

Mechanically, Janeway got up from the couch and opened the zipper at the back, letting the skirt fall down on the ground. Several other dark bruises were present on her thighs, where the ambassador had used his knees in order to force her legs apart. 

“Oh my god…” B’Elanna couldn’t help but whisper. She swallowed convulsively at the sight of the Captain in her underwear, her body marred with signs of abuse. It pained her to see this mighty woman degraded to a victim.  
“I should have killed him.” She growled through clenched teeth.

“It was my fault.” Janeway spoke so softly B’Elanna could barely understand her.

Incredulously the half-Klingon’s head snapped up, trying to catch the other woman’s eyes.  
“How could this be your fault?” She asked indignantly.

Janeway looked to the side, avoiding the other woman’s gaze.   
“I went with him to… persuade him about trading with us.” She spoke hoarsely. “I was hoping to get him to share the knowledge his people have on creating interspatial flexures.” Her voice faded away and she averted her gaze.

B’Elanna’s eyebrows rose as the meaning of the other woman’s words sank in. “You meant to sleep with him to get his technology?” She asked incredulously. 

Janeway focused on the other woman her voice cut right down to B’Elanna’s soul as she replied. “Do you honestly believe this is the first time I’ve had to do this?” 

Raising her eyebrows even higher, B’Elanna held up her hands. “What?”   
The thought of Janeway letting alien men paw at her for obtaining a few spare parts sickened her. 

“This technology could get us home, B’Elanna.” Janeway said, as if that explained everything. 

So infuriated about the idea, B’Elanna temporarily forgot what had just transpired and she huffed indignantly. “So you’d sell your body for it?” 

“I got us stranded here.” Janeway spoke forcefully. “I did. And I will get us home, by any means necessary.” 

A part of B’Elanna couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. “Like letting that guy rape you?” 

Janeway cowered at those words. “That was…” She swallowed. “None of them ever attacked me before.” She whispered, sinking back down on the couch, wincing as her bruised muscles protested against the movement.

B’Elanna sighed, again focusing on the other woman’s predicament. “I have a dermal regenerator in my quarters. It’ll only repair so much of the damage, but since you don’t want to go to Sickbay, it’ll have to do.” 

Before Janeway could ask what B’Elanna was doing with a dermal regenerator in the first place, the other woman had already turned around and left. 

~

B’Elanna entered the Captain’s quarters five minutes later and found Janeway sitting in the exact same spot she’d left her in. She seemed completely focused inward.

Gently, B’Elanna touched her shoulder. “Why don’t you lie down for this?” 

Wordlessly, Janeway complied and B’Elanna used the medical instrument to the best of her abilities.  
The Captain remained silent throughout, staring at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. 

After a few minutes, B’Elanna put the dermal regenerator down. “You should take a sonic shower.” She spoke softly. “The sonic pulses will relax your muscles, allowing them to heal faster.” 

When Janeway didn’t move, B’Elanna lightly touched her shoulder. The contact brought the other woman back to reality. She sat up and bit her lip as her muscles protested.

B’Elanna noticed her discomfort.   
“You okay?” She asked as she helped the other woman up and gently guided her into the direction of the bathroom. “Go take that sonic shower. It’ll help.”

The door closed behind Janeway and B’Elanna moved back to the couch to pick up the Captain’s torn clothes from the floor.  
She recycled the blouse and the skirt, shaking her head as she thought again of Janeway dressing up to please a man in order to get his technology. It seemed so wrong and unacceptable.

B’Elanna’s gaze fell on the bathroom door and it occurred to her she hadn’t heard the activation beep of the sonic shower yet.   
She lightly knocked on the door. “Are you alright in there?” 

There was no answer. 

B’Elanna knocked again and listened more closely. The sonic shower wasn’t active. In fact there was no sound to be heard at all. 

Getting worried, B’Elanna reached for the door control.   
“I’m coming in.” She warned the other woman as she opened the door. 

Inside, she found Janeway huddled in a corner, still dressed in her underwear. B’Elanna immediately ran over to her, crouching down next to the other woman. She placed her hand on the Captain’s back and felt a tremor go through the Captain’s body. 

“Come here.” B’Elanna spoke softly, gently gathering the broken woman in her arms. Much to her surprise, Janeway clung to her and she lightly stroked the other woman’s hair, shushing her. 

“He tried to rape me.” Janeway whispered horrified after a moment and her body trembled. “He pushed me against the wall and he tried to…” She couldn’t finish the sentence and breathed in sharply as if she only now fathomed the horror of what had happened. 

B’Elanna held on a bit tighter. “You’re safe now.” She whispered. “I promise I’ll kill him if he ever tries to hurt you again.” 

Janeway exhaled heavily. “Thank you for coming to my rescue. I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if you hadn’t shown up.” 

“Me neither.” B’Elanna spoke grimly. She maneuvered them slightly to get into a more comfortable position, but Janeway’s muscles protested against the movement, causing her to wince uncomfortably.

“Take that sonic shower.” B’Elanna repeated her earlier suggestion as she stood and helped the other woman up. “Your muscles will relax from it.” 

Janeway nodded curtly. “I will.” She sighed deeply, rubbing her face with her hands. “And then I’ll go to bed.”

B’Elanna threw her a small smile and nodded. “Good idea.” 

Janeway grabbed the other woman’s hand and squeezed it briefly. “Thank you B’Elanna. For everything.” She looked down and then hesitantly back up. “I trust everything you saw and heard this evening will stay between us?” 

“Of course.” B’Elanna nodded seriously. “Goodnight Captain.” 

~

The next morning B’Elanna was on her way to the Briefing Room where the trading negotiations would be finalized. She’d briefly thought of checking up on the Captain before that, but she was already running late as it was. Maybe she could stop by after the negotiations. 

The doors to the Briefing Room opened on her approach and B’Elanna stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the Captain. She hadn’t expected Janeway to attend the closing of the negotiations, given the events of the evening before. Yet there she was, making small talk with one of the consuls as if nothing had happened. If B’Elanna hadn’t seen first-hand what had transpired the evening before, she never would’ve guessed by Janeway’s behavior. The Captain was a gracious host, focusing solely on the wellbeing of her guests.

Before B’Elanna could make her way to the other woman, the door opened behind her and ambassador Neyak entered the room, sporting a dark bruise on his left cheekbone. 

The man greeted her coolly and B’Elanna cringed, resisting the urge to punch him squarely in the face. Surprisingly, he didn’t appear to recognize her and B’Elanna surmised he probably hadn’t even seen her face when she’d attacked him.   
Mindful of trading relations, she managed to curtly nod in his direction before turning her attention to the Captain. However, Janeway was in discussion with the consul and hadn’t noticed ambassador Neyak’s arrival.

B’Elanna felt the blood in her veins turn to ice-water as she realized the ambassador was on his way to the consul and the Captain. The little hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and her muscles clenched briefly as if preparing to strike if the man so much as blinked in the wrong way.

The consul noticed the ambassador before Janeway did, and he amicably greeted the man. “Neyak, good morning! What happened to your face?” 

B’Elanna noticed Janeway’s shoulders stiffen as she half turned around. 

“A minor disagreement with the door.” The man answered neutrally, yet his voice held a note of warning and he covertly cast Janeway an intimidating look.

Apart from a slight angling of her jaw, Janeway didn’t move. Yet B’Elanna could feel the tension radiate off her.

Outwardly appearing as if she hadn’t even heard the small talk between the two man, the Captain turned to the room and invited everyone to sit down to close the trading negotiations. 

Throughout the meeting, B’Elanna kept a close eye on the Captain, but the other woman never even flinched in the presence of the man who had assaulted her only hours before.

After a couple of hours, the final agreements were signed and Janeway addressed the entire group.   
“In celebration of the established trading agreements, I would like to invite you all to the Mess Hall for a small toast.”   
Appreciative murmurs rose from the small gathering and Janeway pointed at Neelix. “Please, follow mister Neelix.”

As she stalled to guide everyone out of the briefing room, B’Elanna did the same and managed to get next to the Captain in the corridor, relatively out of earshot. 

“We could have managed without you, you know.” She spoke in low tones to the Captain.

Janeway threw a brief glance in her direction, but kept walking. “I’m fine, Lieutenant.”

“Are you going to file a complaint with the local authorities?” B’Elanna asked curtly. 

Janeway shook her head. “No.” 

B’Elanna gritted her teeth. “So what, you’re going to pretend nothing happened? That man tried to rape you.” 

“But he didn’t succeed.” Janeway pointed out. “And I’m not prepared to blow up these trading negotiations for something that didn’t happen.”

“But something DID happen.” B’Elanna hissed, trying to keep her voice down so nobody could overhear them. “He attacked you. I saw the bruises, that was not nothing.” 

Irritated, Janeway looked around before focusing on the other woman. “This is not the time or the place to discuss this B’Elanna.” Her voice held a note of warning. 

B’Elanna scoffed. “I get the feeling it will never be the right time or place.” 

Janeway didn’t reply but threw her a warning look before she entered the Mess Hall to toast to the trading agreements.

B’Elanna shook her head and turned around. Given the circumstances, she decided to opt out for the celebratory drink.

~

With a strangled cry, Kathryn Janeway awoke.   
Sitting up, she gasped for air and her hand flew to her throat as the panic she’d felt in her dream still constricted her airway.

She continued to breathe heavily while the realization came that it had only been a dream. But that relief was swiftly followed by the bitter knowledge that the dream had a basis in reality.   
This was the fourth time she’d had this nightmare in as many nights. And each time she’d been unable to sleep afterwards. 

Kathryn could still feel the ambassador’s body pressing against her, from the memories of her dream as well as from reality. And although she’d tried some –usually pretty effective- defensive moves, no matter how hard she’d tried to push him away, it had felt like he was made of stone. Her feeble assault had had no effect on him. She’d been entirely powerless. 

She clenched her fists and pressed them into the mattress. No more, she decided. Kathryn Janeway would never be powerless again. She would gain strength, fortify her body so that if there was ever a next time someone attacked her –god forbid-, she would have a fighting chance.

With a sense of purpose she got up, got dressed and left her quarters. 

As she’d expected, the gym was deserted at that time of night.  
Kathryn selected a training program from the computer and started with a warm-up before she started using the equipment.   
Oblivious to her surroundings she continued her work out for a long time. With every muscle she trained, she felt a little stronger, a little more in control. 

~

“Won’t the Captain be joining us?” Harry asked as he activated the wall display to show the design of the new long range sensor array he was developing. 

The senior staff expectantly turned to Chakotay to hear his answer. The Captain had been very elusive lately, almost constantly working from her Ready Room or her quarters and never attending any briefings. She was never seen in the Mess Hall anymore and rarely entered the Bridge. That was unusual behavior for her. 

“No.” Was Chakotay’s succinct answer. 

B’Elanna frowned and made a mental note to check up on the Captain.

“Is she even still on the ship?” Tom asked, only half-joking. As Chakotay threw him a warning look, he held up his hands. “What? You’ve got to admit it’s pretty strange that we haven’t seen her for more than a week.”

“Captain’s privilege. She’ll come to the briefings if and when she’s needed.” Chakotay replied. 

Tom huffed. “Spare us the protocol Chakotay. The only time she’s been seen in public is at the gym at the strangest hours in the middle of the night. What’s up with that?” 

Chakotay shrugged. “I don’t know. And I don’t need to know. The Captain can run the ship from wherever the hell she wants to. Understood?” 

~

B’Elanna casually walked into the gym a little after 0400 hours. Sure enough it was deserted except for one lonely figure, working out. 

Although she had seen the Engineer enter, Janeway ignored the other woman, continuing to lift the weights. 

“Careful you don’t overdo it.” B’Elanna’s soft voice drifted through the room. 

“I’ve got it under control.” Janeway grunted and sat up, reaching for her bottle of water when she felt cool fingers lightly touching her upper arm.

“Do you?”

The trace of worry in B’Elanna’s voice combined with the gentle touch made her stop in her tracks, but she didn’t look up. Instead she took another sip of water and B’Elanna’s hand fell away. 

“I’m worried about you.” B’Elanna added softly. 

The honest worry for her wellbeing made Kathryn look up at her Chief Engineer. A grim expression set around her mouth. “I don’t ever want to feel weak and helpless like that again.” She breathed by way of explanation, hoping B’Elanna would understand and leave her alone. 

B’Elanna studied the other woman’s face. Despite everything, she could relate to Janeway’s need to empower herself. So she nodded slightly and grabbed the other woman’s arm again, not painfully hard, but still tight enough to show she meant business. “Show me what you’ve got.” She spoke softly.

Janeway squinted, not entirely sure what the half-Klingon was up to. She tried to free her arm, but B’Elanna held on, a gleam visible in her eyes. 

Understanding the game, Janeway yanked again, but B’Elanna had her in a firm grasp. Discarding the bottle of water, the Captain turned around and grabbed B’Elanna in a hold of her own. 

Janeway clearly knew some self-defense techniques and while B’Elanna was impressed with her strength, she was still no match for the half-Klingon.   
After some hassle, B’Elanna triumphantly pinned the Captain against the wall.

She realized only belatedly how ambassador Neyak had held the Captain in a very similar position only a short while ago, and the panicky look in the other woman’s eyes told her that Janeway also remembered all too well.

“Get off me.”  
Janeway roughly pushed B’Elanna away before she could step back. 

“Sorry.” The half-Klingon stammered, realizing she’d gone too far, but the Captain just ran out the room.   
B’Elanna cursed and ran after her.

When she turned the corner, she saw the door to Janeway’s quarters close. She ran up to it and pressed the chime, but her call was ignored.

B’Elanna leaned closer to the door. “I just want to say I’m sorry, Captain.” She closed her eyes briefly, feeling really bad about her mistake. “Please?” 

The door opened, and Janeway stood in the doorway, her face unreadable. 

“I’m so, so sorry.” B’Elanna spoke. “I didn’t think. I shouldn’t have pinned you against the wall like that.”

When she was finished, Janeway spoke. “Why were you there?” At B’Elanna’s frown, she elaborated. “On the planet I mean. Why were you at the ambassador’s house?”

B’Elanna shrugged. “I’d seen you talking to him and I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.” 

“So you followed me?” Janeway added.

“Yes.” B’Elanna nodded. “I had a bad feeling about him.” 

Janeway angled her head. “Well, thank you for coming to my rescue Lieutenant, but I don’t need you following me around anymore.” 

“I’m worried about you.” B’Elanna softly repeated the words she’d spoken earlier in the gym.

“I’m fine.” Janeway stated firmly. “Alright?” 

“You’ve been driving yourself to physical exertion in the middle of the night for –how many nights in a row now? You’re never on the Bridge, you don’t care about Harry’s new sensor array, you lock yourself away in your quarters…” B’Elanna summed up. “You’re not fine, you’re running away.”

“What do you know?” Janeway growled.

B’Elanna tilted her head. “I know.” She whispered. “I know how something like this can make you feel powerless and helpless. How it fills you with anger, but also makes you feel ashamed.” She bit her lip and looked away. “It makes you wonder what you could’ve done to prevent it, makes you blame yourself…” Her voice hitched and she shook her head to get rid of her own demons.

Janeway frowned.

“Look,” B’Elanna shrugged, redirecting her focus on the Captain, “I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” She paused. “If you want to talk, just come and find me.” 

She turned to walk away, but Janeway grabbed her hand.  
“Stay?” She asked softly, stepping aside to invite B’Elanna in.

The half-Klingon nodded and stepped inside.

“Would you tell me about it?” Janeway breathed as the doors closed, referring to the obviously traumatic experience the other woman had just hinted at. 

B’Elanna sighed and rubbed her face with her hands.   
“Only if you get me a drink first.” 

She watched Janeway move to a cupboard to take a bottle of alien liquor and two glasses. B’Elanna moved to the window as the Captain poured the drinks.   
She was staring into space when the Captain put the glass in her hands, and she gulped down half of it. The liquid sufficiently burned her throat. She started speaking. 

“When I was in the Maquis, me and a friend –Anataas- were on a reconnaissance mission on Prater IV, a small moon just outside the DMZ. We’d received intel that there was a small but important cell of the Cardassian Obsidian Order present there and that their security would be minimal.” B’Elanna chuckled mirthlessly. “If we could neutralize them, it would be a significant blow for the Cardassians. And everybody was really into that prospect.” She shook her head. “I didn’t trust the source. I wanted more information before the strike teams were sent in. They all laughed at me, saying this was a sure win, but I decided to check it out anyway. And Anataas joined me.” 

B’Elanna paused a moment, reliving the memories. “It turned out I was right. It was a trap. If the Maquis would strike, they would be slaughtered. So we had to hurry back and call off the assault.” B’Elanna swallowed. “On our way to base camp, we ran into a Cardassian patrol. Eight men, armed to the teeth. We both tried to hide, but they’d spotted Anataas.” B’Elanna closed her eyes as she remembered. “They captured her.” She continued softly. “From where I was hidden I could see her… I wanted to try to rescue her, but there were too many of them, I would only end up captured as well. And if I didn’t get to base camp to warn the others, hundreds of Maquis would be walking into the Cardassian trap and die.”

B’Elanna took a moment to draw breath and took another sip of the liquor.  
“I watched as they beat her and kicked her. They didn’t ask any questions about who she was or why she was there. She was just another girl to them. They brutalized her and raped her and I didn’t do a thing to stop it. I could feel every blow, every thrust as they mauled her. I still have nightmares about it sometimes.” She swallowed. “In the end, they left her for dead and left. I waited for a long time before I came out of my hiding place. Maybe they’d seen me after all and were waiting for me. But they didn’t return. So I took Anataas over my shoulder and I carried her all the way back to base camp. She was still alive when I got there, but her injuries were too severe.”   
B’Elanna’s voice was barely above a whisper. “She didn’t make it.” 

Tersely, B’Elanna gulped down the last of her drink, toying with the glass afterwards.   
“I was angry at all Cardassians for a long time after this. But I also felt guilty, blaming myself for Anataas’ death.” B’Elanna swallowed. “She didn’t have to die like that.” She whispered.

Janeway placed a hand on B’Elanna’s shoulder. “It wasn’t your fault.” She spoke softly. 

“I couldn’t save her…” B’Elanna added quietly. 

“You saved me.” Janeway whispered and shuddered. “We both know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t intervened.” She shook her head. “Lord knows I dream about it night after night.”

“You’re at the gym because you’re afraid to sleep.” B’Elanna stated, understanding. 

Janeway nodded and both women stayed quiet for a while, looking at the stars.

“I never realized,” B’Elanna spoke softly after a few minutes, “just how guilty you felt about stranding us in the Delta Quadrant.” She slowly shook her head. “The crew doesn’t blame you. Not anymore. And certainly not to the extent you blame yourself.” She frowned. “No one would even dream of asking yourself to do what you did to try get us home faster. I still don’t understand why on earth you would think you owed us that much…”

Janeway bit her lip. “You remember Gath Labil, from the Sikarians we met in the very beginning we were stranded here.” She spoke softly. 

B’Elanna nodded, remembering him, his species and his spatial trajector very well. 

“He basically proposed to share his technology if I would sleep with him.” Janeway shook her head. “I was appalled by the idea and told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of his proposition.”   
She emptied her glass. “But later, when the guilt and the loneliness and the realization that we might spend the rest of our lives getting home had set in, I figured that maybe it was only a small price to pay to get this crew home a little faster.” 

B’Elanna remained silent as Janeway grabbed the bottle of liquor and filled up their glasses.

“I mean,” the Captain continued, “I did get us all stranded here after all. So when the next opportunity presented itself, I just did it.” 

Janeway looked down at her glass as she continued. “I didn’t feel as dirty as I expected I would have.” She stated solemnly. “In a way it was even liberating: I wasn’t the Captain of Voyager. I wasn’t even Kathryn Janeway. I was just a woman, touching, being touched by another being…” She paused. “It was an anonymous one night stand, just a physical encounter, no strings attached…” Her voice trailed off as she realized how wrong it sounded to say that. But it was the truth.

“How many times did you do it?” B’Elanna asked, trying not to sound too judgmental. 

Janeway closed her eyes. “Four times. Not counting what happened with Neyak.” She swallowed. “None of the others ever tried to…” She didn’t finish the sentence. 

B’Elanna lightly placed her hand between the other woman’s shoulder blades to offer support. “Please promise me you’ll never do it again.” She spoke insistently. 

Janeway didn’t immediately reply. 

“Promise me.” She repeated a little stronger than she intended. “Please.” She added more softly, suddenly remembering she was speaking to the Captain. “It’s not worth it. We’ll get home eventually, even if it takes us the rest of our lives.”

Janeway gulped down the rest of her drink.   
“The rest of our lives…” She sighed, putting her glass down. Swaying a little on her feet, she turned around to get the bottle. “In that case, I’ll need another drink.” 

Suddenly angry with the way the other woman was letting herself go, B’Elanna grabbed her wrist. “I think you’ve had enough.” 

The Captain tried to free herself, much like she had in the gym earlier, but B’Elanna held on.   
“Let me go.” Janeway’s voice was dangerously low.

“No.” B’Elanna spoke resolutely. 

Janeway struggled to get free, but B’Elanna was no match for her, and effectively immobilized her against the wall. This time, however, she was careful not to be too forceful about it. Janeway felt it and quickly took advantage of the situation, turning them both around so that she was the one pinning B’Elanna against the wall. 

“I don’t need a chaperone, Lieutenant.” She hissed. 

“Tell me what you need then.” B’Elanna asked sincerely, trying to defuse the other woman’s anger.

Janeway frowned, having expected a fight. “What do you mean?” She asked curtly. But she loosened her grip somewhat.

“If you could have anything you want, right here, right now… What would it be?” B’Elanna asked softly. 

Janeway’s face was unreadable when B’Elanna repeated her question softly. “What do you need?” 

She had barely finished the sentence when Janeway abruptly moved closer and pressed her lips against B’Elanna’s. 

Surprised, the half-Klingon didn’t move. But she didn’t push the Captain away either. 

Abruptly, the Captain stepped back and looked down, unable to make eye contact. “Sorry.” She whispered so softly it could barely be heard. 

B’Elanna put her finger under the other woman’s chin, lifting her head so she could look her in the eye.   
“It’s alright.” She whispered kindly. 

Janeway bit her lip. “I guess I just wanted to feel.” She spoke hoarsely. “Something… Anything…” She blinked slowly. “Sometimes I think I’ve lost that ability altogether.” Her voice drifted off into silence. 

B’Elanna took in the frailty of the woman before her and leaned closer, capturing her lips to kiss her again. It was warm and friendly, sharing intimacy rather than lust. 

They drew back and Janeway subconsciously licked her lips, letting out a deep breath.

B’Elanna swallowed before speaking. “I think you still know how to feel. You just have to find a way to let yourself.” 

Cocking her head, Janeway fixed her gaze on the other woman and brazenly inched forward, again stepping into the personal space of the half-Klingon. A hint of a grin ghosted at the corners of her mouth as she saw B’Elanna’s eyes widen slightly when their bodies touched.

Slowly, strategically, Janeway positioned her thigh between B’Elanna’s legs and the half-Klingon responded with a sharp intake of breath. A feral glint appeared in Janeway’s eyes, making her intentions quite clear. 

Responding to the wordless request, B’Elanna forcefully grabbed the other woman’s buttocks to increase the contact and fiercely captured Janeway’s mouth. The other woman moaned and she started to take off the Engineer’s uniform jacket. 

Clothes were unceremoniously taken off and haphazardly thrown on the floor, while their almost feverish grappling and groping continued. Cutting the nonsense, B’Elanna picked the Captain up and lowered her onto the dining table plain and simple. 

There was nothing sensual about their encounter. It was a release of carnal needs between two people who had gone without human contact for too long. 

Afterwards, Janeway sat up and let out a deep breath. 

B’Elanna watched the other woman and softly spoke her name. “Kathryn?”

Without looking at the other woman, Janeway softly shook her head. “I haven’t been ‘Kathryn’ in a long time you know…” 

B’Elanna lightly trailed her fingers over the other woman’s naked back and watched the goose bumps form. “You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to get us home.” 

“I’m the Captain.” Janeway spoke solemnly.

“Not right now, you’re not.” B’Elanna replied as she continued to lightly trail her fingers over the other woman’s back and arms. “Close your eyes.” She paused a second. “Do you feel it?” 

“Yes…” Janeway breathed. 

“You can be the Captain of this crew until we get home – however long that takes.” B’Elanna spoke softly. “And at the times you feel like you can’t be the Captain, you can be Kathryn. With me, if you want. Or not, that’s entirely up to you.” 

The half-Klingon glanced at the chronometer and started putting on her clothes while Janeway silently watched her.

“I’m meeting Harry for breakfast. He wants to go over his plans for the sensor array.” B’Elanna explained as she closed her jacket and put on her shoes. 

Before she left, she lightly tucked a strand of hair behind Janeway’s ear. “The crew misses you.”

~

Janeway entered the Mess Hall and felt all eyes upon her. Her absence had clearly not gone unnoticed. But the stares were friendly. So she smiled politely and approached the counter where Neelix was pouring coffee in a mug and placing it on a tray next to some oatmeal. He gave her an encouraging nod. 

The Captain moved towards the table in the corner and lightly placed her hand on B’Elanna’s shoulder, almost imperceptibly squeezing it. “Mind if I join you?” 

“Go ahead.” B’Elanna smiled.

Janeway sat down and turned her attention to Harry. “So Ensign, what’s this I hear about those fabulous improvements you want to make on our long range sensors?”


End file.
